Today’s Shege Seen Successfully

If patience is a virtue, then today was my final exam.

Dear Besties,

I know it has been a while since i gave you guys gist

So, Let me gist you.

I went to church, looking all fresh and beautiful , ready to mind my business and collect my blessings for the new week. This was actually my plan but the devil had other plans.

First wahala: My bus driver.

I don’t know if the man had somewhere urgent to be, but the way he was speeding, I started suspecting he was doing Formula 1 training. At some point, I just held my chair and started whispering, “Blood of Jesus, Blood of Jesus.”

Anyway, I got to church in one piece. I told myself, “Tiwa, forget the stress. Just focus on Jesus.” But before I could actually relax, wahala number two happened…the church brother that almost made me backslide.

Church was packed, so they sat me next to this fine guy that was dressed like a CEO. I told myself, “Focus, girl. You are here for God.” But then, I peeped at his phone during the sermon.

Do you know what this man was typing?

“Omo, this pastor no wan round up? Hunger dey o.”

Ehn ehn? In the house of the Lord? Instead of receiving God’s word, you are monitoring closing time like school boy?

I swallowed my annoyance and faced front. Until prayer time.

Pastor said, “Hold your neighbor’s hand and pray.”

That’s how this brother grabbed my hand like he was trying to crush my bones. He was shouting prayers like he was physically fighting the devil.

At one point, I opened one eye and whispered, “Brother, is it me you’re fighting or the devil ?”

Service ended, and I thought this shege is over. I was wrong.

I decided to branch a supermarket to buy snacks and yogurt just to ease my hunger, pending the time i get home to prepare lunch

I picked my things and queued at the cashier, minding my business.

Until this uncle appeared behind me.

At first, I didn’t notice him. But then I felt someone breathing near my ear.

AH!

I turned small. Lo and behold, uncle was practically standing inside my shadow.

I shifted forward.

Uncle shifted too.

I shifted again.

Uncle followed.

I turned fully. “Sir, please can you give me small space? Are we Twins?”

This man smiled. “Ah, sister,Are we not one in Christ?”

One in Christ ke? Does that mean you should be inhaling my oxygen?

Before I could respond, cashier announced: “Please, no network. Only cash payments.”

My heart cut. Because, besties, I had planned my day based on transfer so i didn’t have enough cash except Tfare.

I sighed and turned to drop my things back. That’s when Uncle looked at me and said

“Sister, don’t worry, I can pay for you.”

From my enemy to my destiny helper?

I hesitated. “Ah, sir, no need. It’s fine.”

Uncle smiled deeper. “Don’t mention. Maybe one day you will also do something for me.”

WAIT!.

WHICH KIND OF ‘ONE DAY’ IS THAT?

I smiled small. “Sir, don’t worry, let me just go and withdraw.”

Before he could say anything, I RAN.

Anyway, I finally found a POS, withdrew my money, and paid for my own stuffs.

Besties, this is where my final temptation happened.

A woman carrying fresh Agege bread entered the bus, and the smell just slapped my empty stomach. Before I could control myself, I turned to my side and caught one guy staring at me.

He smiled and said, “Sister, your eyes don dey change. No go steal person bread o.”

God, why me?

I faced my front. Hunger is not my mate.

Anyway, I’m back home now, and I just want to sleep.

Till next time, Stay Blessed and Happy New Week

Your Virtual Bestie,

Tiwatope.